So.
I have this friend. You’ve heard about him before on here. His name is Caleb. He likes to be called Cadillac. I call him Clayeb.
And I’m going to go ahead and throw it out there: he’s single.
At twenty-six years old, Caleb is looking for the perfect pretty lady with whom to watch Freddy Krueger thrillers, talk politics and, of course, share his die-hard passion for all things kelly green. And I am here to help.
All the single ladies. Now put your hands up.
You’re thinking to yourself, “But I know nothing about this single and very available guy.” Here. Let me fill you in.
Caleb is kind of a nerd.
And he’ll tell you. He regularly uses phrases such as “hot diggity dog” and “daggonit.” And if you’re around him when his Raiders actually score, you’ll inevitably witness a very enthusiastic “Tooouuuuchdowwwwnnnn RAIIIDERRRRRS!”
And he loves his Dolly. As in Parton. In fact, if you’re willing to sing a karaoke duet of “Islands in the Stream” with him … sober … he just may propose to you on the spot.
If nothing else, Caleb is loyal. To his not-so-successful Raiders. To a Nike label. To Coke Zero. To Marshall University. To green, particularly in the shade of kelly. And to you. All you have to do is put up with him. And his color-coded closet. And his shoe obsession.
Also, you should probably not be too attached to an animal that isn’t gold and swims in a glass bowl, unless you’d like to watch this guy sneeze and get itchy.
Caleb is also a little quirky. But what would a personality be without a few whisps here and there?
He doesn’t do cell phone ringtones, and car horns irritate him. He loves Zumba, specifically if it involves music by Lady Gaga or Vanilla Ice, and is strangely good at the moves.
He loves superman ice cream. And realizes that, yes, it’s just vanilla. But more colorful.
This guy knows all the words to “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” and can probably reenact a Backstreet Boys music video by heart. The highlight of his week may or may not include Teen Mom on MTV, followed by 18 holes of swingin’ clubs with his best friend, his Dad.
He had a Friday the 13th poster on his wall. When he was three.
But Caleb isn’t just a bunch of strange obsessions and silly quirks. He’s actually a pretty smart guy. He graduated from Marshall University, and went after his masters at George Washington University. That takes some smarts.
He’s a dedicated politico and an unrepentant conservative. He votes and campaigns, argues and complains. (Not really, it just rhymed.) I’m pretty sure he loves George W. Bush just as much as I do. And if that bothers you, y’all probably wouldn’t get along anyway.
Caleb tried his hand at living in the city at GW in D.C., but was homesick for the hills of West Virginia. He’s a small-town boy at heart and stays true to his roots.
Now he’s a Financial Advisor with Edward Jones in his hometown. Ya know, so he can support his shoe-buying habit. And maybe yours, too, one day.
To sum him up, he’s just a good ol’ boy. Although, not in the Bo and Luke Duke kind of way.
He’s been waiting over a quarter of a century for that special gal to come along and make him crazy. Ya know, in a good way. He’s ready for someone to stand beside him at basketball games, and yell ’til your voice is gone during football season. He needs someone to know which coach’s polo he doesn’t have, and which one he’s already worn this season. Not that he wouldn’t already know.
He’s waiting for someone who will hold his hand. Because he may or may not be a little on the shy side.
Caleb is ready for you to be his girlfriend.
Well, that is, unless you’re a dude. Or, like, forty.
I’m currently taking applications on behalf of Caleb. All entrants are welcomed. And appreciated.
And, go.
Best blog post ever!! In case anyone is wondering, nothing written here is an exaggeration, all true. Haha.
Glad you like it. 🙂 Let’s just hope it works …..
Not sure you’re doing this poor guy any favors with the wrestling photo lol.
That picture is classic Caleb. That’s why we love him. haha
Wow!!! If anyone can find Caleb the love of his life, its you Jen!
It’s my mission in life. He will find a girl. lol
Jen, I always enjoy reading your blogs, and this one is especially hysterical and fun to read! 🙂 And I love those shoes!
Thanks, Jessica! I love finding out people read my blog who I had no idea even knew I had a blog!
You have a great writing style that is incredibly enjoyable! 🙂
Caleb sounds wonderful! And cute, too. Hope he finds a lovely (conservative) lady; I was totally bought it until I got to that part. 🙂 But I sure do love that wrestling pic.
Yeah. Election years would be some seriously rocky times for y’all. 😉
This is great! Jen you are a great friend and Caleb you are a really good sport! If my daughters didn’t live so far away I would make the connection!
Marty
Thanks, Marty! There’s a gal out there for Caleb … and I’m determined to find her. 🙂
Haha!!!! I never thought of putting a Caleb is single web entry out there. I love it.
I am single.
I am conservative.
And I also love good ole George.
I’m just not sure we could agree on football. (The Raiders?!)
Hm.
Hi, Jen!!!
Awww how sweet of you. Caleb seems like a great guy, I’m sure you’ll get lots of qualified applicants haha. I hope all is well!
Take care!
Peppers